A Few Very Personal Math Equations


This is the only type of math problem I really understand, and it had to be a meme…

Baby to Toddler Years:

EF = G, where:
Eating Food (EF) = Good (G).


CP = G, where:
Cute Puppies (CP) = Good (G).


EP = (-G), where:
Eating Puppies (EP) = Not Good (negative G)

Childhood Years:


Just one grim example of the incredibly safe toys I desired to own in my childhood. They’re not lawn darts, they’re flying lobotomies.

NT + (∞ x W) = P + NT, where:
My desire for a new toy (NT) + (infinity (∞) multiplied with whining (W) = parent purchasing new toy (NT).


E = MC², where:

E = Eating;
M = Me;
C² = Contents of Fridge.


BF + ST + LP = ∞ x FP, where:

BF = Bare Foot;
ST = Stepping On;
LP = Lego(tm) Building Brick;
FP = Pain


Know your enemy.

Teenager Years:

(BBQF + D) x (LM) = (BOOM + (-E) x pi) x (20), where:

BBQF = BBQ Fluid;
D = My Dad;
LM = Lit Match;
BOOM = Minor Explosion;
E = Eyebrows of all living creatures within 20-foot radius.


A = F – NM + H, where:

A = Alcohol;
F = Fun;
NM = Next Morning;
H = Hangover.


GET + S = BF x (pi*radius^2*length) + AF + IFE, where:

GET = Dad bellowing at me to GET him a beer;
S = Shaking the beer bottle;
BF = Erupting Column of Beer Foam;
AF = Annoyed Father;
IFE = My Innocent Facial Expression.


Googling “funny drinking” brings up lots of pictures of drunk people, and this image. I’m going with this image. You’re welcome.

Adult Years:

H = (-H), where:

H = Hair.


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