Just one of the dangers you’ll face by venturing outside.
An investigation into finalizing an individual’s personal choice between a world-wide computer network or getting one’s fat ass away from the computer and actually going outside.
Which is Better:
- Summer’s Day: Around for only one season.
- Internet: Around all year long.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: Lots of pretty girls wearing next to nothing.
- Internet: Lots of pretty girls wearing nothing.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: You sunburn and develop skin cancer from solar rays.
- Internet: Your skin is protected from ultraviolet radiation by your parent’s basement ceiling. Radiation from computer monitors has proven to be beneficial to human DNA. (Reference: somewhere on Wikipedia I think I read once.)
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: Traditional summer camp counselors scream at you to hike, swim, climb mountains, etc.
- Internet: Computer camp counselors calmly teach you how to download free MP3’s, hack into your sister’s blog, “find” credit card numbers, etc.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: Outdoor summer jobs such as landscaping, mowing lawns, and painting houses require a great deal of physical exertion.
- Internet: Your indoor job of selling virtual items in online multiplayer games for real hard cash requires little or no physical exertion (beyond getting more Frito’s from the kitchen).
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: Eating food outdoors attracts annoying insects such as ants, bees, and mosquitoes.
- Internet: Eating food indoors attracts the attention of your cat “Larry”, who merely stares at the burrito going into your mouth.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: A lot of people drown at the beach.
- Internet: Very few people have ever drowned on the Internet.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: A lot of people are eaten by sharks at the beach.
- Internet: Very few people are eaten by sharks on the Internet, and if they are, their YouTube fame is assured.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: The flowers in bloom smell nice.
- Internet: The pizza you order after nine uninterrupted hours of playing “Counter-Strike” online smells nicer.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: No school during the summer months.
- Internet: You post your homework in your blog for other people to complete via the “comments” section. You’ve done this since Grade 3.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: Having an outdoor BBQ is fun.
- Internet: Your computer has never emitted a thirty foot pillar of flame due to an impatient Uncle Louie and excess “BBQ starter” lighting fluid. And if your computer does burst into flame, blame the latest 50-gigabyte Windows 10 update, not Uncle Louie.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: You get some quiet time by sending the kids to a two-week summer camp.
- Internet: You get some quiet time when your kids get addicted to “World of Warcraft” for seven months.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: You look cool paddling a canoe.
- Internet: You look more cool getting WiFi on your laptop in a canoe.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: Roasting marshmallows over an open campfire is fun.
- Internet: Flaming strangers in chat rooms by insulting their mothers is more fun.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: Throwing a Frisbee is an activity most people enjoy.
- Internet: Throwing an America Online Free Trial CD against the wall with lethal velocity is an activity everyone enjoys.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: If you are a woman, you might feel a little shy wearing a bikini on the beach.
- Internet: If you are a woman, you don’t feel shy at all about posting pictures on the Net of your drunken, unconscious ex-boyfriend wearing a bikini with the words SLUT BUNNY in big black letters written with a permanent magic marker on his forehead.
Winner: The Internet.
- Summer’s Day: When summer ends, winter arrives.
- Internet: When your Internet access crashes, Life as you know it ends.
Winner: Still the The Internet! SCREW SUMMER.
Internet Slacker 